Life and other annoying things
Nov. 19th, 2002 03:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maristuI'm feeling bitchy today (as is made plain by my mood icon, I guess). For many reasons. First off, my husband isn't here anymore, he went back to São Paulo yesterday morning to tie all the loose ends of our move back to Brasília (which is where I am at the moment). I miss him. And I feel stupid because he's only been gone for a day, but still. I miss him!
Another thing that's been getting me down ever since I got back to Brasília is the whole baby thing. I don't think I've mentioned this here (except to Rhiannon), but hubby and I have been trying to get pregnant for well over a year, and nothing's happened so far. We haven't mentioned anything to our families yet, because a) we wanted the pregnancy to be a surprise; and b) we don't want a whole bunch of people giving us "helpful" advice. Yeah, I know, they're family and they'd be doing it out of the kindness of their hearts, but I really don't think I can deal with this right now.
So... Our parents think that we were just biding our time, waiting for our lives and finances and such to settle down, before we started thinking of kids. Now that things have calmed down (I've just gotten a nice, steady job that pays extremely well, we're moving to a three bedroom apartment, we're near our families again), they all see no reason for us to postpone pregnancy anymore. And they've started this whole "We Want Grandchildren" campaign.
My mom and stepdad had actually been in the campaign for years, practically since we got married, but right now the intensity of the campaigning has grown exponentially, to the point where my stepdad points out to me any and all babies that cross our line of sight (and he doesn't even *like* kids!), and my mom's practically buying a full wardrobe of baby clothes in her head. My in-laws have started in also, although they're much more subtle.
And now, my dad and stepmom have joined, and I *know* I'm screwed. Because they were the absolute last people in the world that I thought would ever mention babies to us. They don't have any of their own (not that they didn't try, but my stepmom kept having abortions), and they never especially liked the idea of becoming grandparents. They don't like the fact that they're growing old, and becoming grandparents is a pretty good indication of that. But apparently they don't care anymore, because my dad called the other day saying that I have a deadline of three years to give him grandkids. His reasoning is that he won't have the patience to travel with kids to Disney World after he's 60, and that kids under 3 years aren't old enough to enjoy it. He's 54, so that gives me 6 years to have a 3 yo. Sure, dad...
I know, I know, they don't mean harm, but still, it's just killing me. Mostly because there's this little voice in my head that's saying that maybe now we will get pregnant, that it didn't happen before because the timing wasn't right. But see, I'm not a big believer in Fate and stuff like that. I have more of a scientific approach to life, and that approach says that we should have gotten pregnant by now, that we've done absolutely everything right, and that if we're not pregnant, it's because there's something wrong with me or him or both.
So, I have these two voices arguing around in my head, and you know what? I just want them both to Shut. Up.
Oh, and I have a headache. *sigh*
Another thing that's been getting me down ever since I got back to Brasília is the whole baby thing. I don't think I've mentioned this here (except to Rhiannon), but hubby and I have been trying to get pregnant for well over a year, and nothing's happened so far. We haven't mentioned anything to our families yet, because a) we wanted the pregnancy to be a surprise; and b) we don't want a whole bunch of people giving us "helpful" advice. Yeah, I know, they're family and they'd be doing it out of the kindness of their hearts, but I really don't think I can deal with this right now.
So... Our parents think that we were just biding our time, waiting for our lives and finances and such to settle down, before we started thinking of kids. Now that things have calmed down (I've just gotten a nice, steady job that pays extremely well, we're moving to a three bedroom apartment, we're near our families again), they all see no reason for us to postpone pregnancy anymore. And they've started this whole "We Want Grandchildren" campaign.
My mom and stepdad had actually been in the campaign for years, practically since we got married, but right now the intensity of the campaigning has grown exponentially, to the point where my stepdad points out to me any and all babies that cross our line of sight (and he doesn't even *like* kids!), and my mom's practically buying a full wardrobe of baby clothes in her head. My in-laws have started in also, although they're much more subtle.
And now, my dad and stepmom have joined, and I *know* I'm screwed. Because they were the absolute last people in the world that I thought would ever mention babies to us. They don't have any of their own (not that they didn't try, but my stepmom kept having abortions), and they never especially liked the idea of becoming grandparents. They don't like the fact that they're growing old, and becoming grandparents is a pretty good indication of that. But apparently they don't care anymore, because my dad called the other day saying that I have a deadline of three years to give him grandkids. His reasoning is that he won't have the patience to travel with kids to Disney World after he's 60, and that kids under 3 years aren't old enough to enjoy it. He's 54, so that gives me 6 years to have a 3 yo. Sure, dad...
I know, I know, they don't mean harm, but still, it's just killing me. Mostly because there's this little voice in my head that's saying that maybe now we will get pregnant, that it didn't happen before because the timing wasn't right. But see, I'm not a big believer in Fate and stuff like that. I have more of a scientific approach to life, and that approach says that we should have gotten pregnant by now, that we've done absolutely everything right, and that if we're not pregnant, it's because there's something wrong with me or him or both.
So, I have these two voices arguing around in my head, and you know what? I just want them both to Shut. Up.
Oh, and I have a headache. *sigh*
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no subject
on 2002-11-19 10:55 am (UTC)I got pregnant by total accident and I cried for three days. But it turned out OK :) My sweetie already had two kids and he was wonderful about the whole thing, very excited, he got me through the initial shock and on to the happy part. But the amnesia from the whole birth thing hasn't worn off, and I've no desire for a second!
I agree with you on Fate. It's out of your hands. My sweetie was adopted when his parents were in their 40's, because they gave up trying after 20 years. And don't you know, his mom got pregnant a few months later? My aunt, in her late 30's was told she'd never conceive because her uterus was tipped or something. Then, what do you know, they were all wrong and I have a five year old cousin now.
It will happen when it's meant to. Now that you've said it, it probably will! LOL! At least the practice is fun!!!!
*hugs you*
no subject
on 2002-11-19 11:33 am (UTC)I know. It sucks.
::More Hugs::
no subject
on 2002-11-19 11:52 am (UTC)My sister is going through the same thing at the moment - I'd love to be an aunt, but I just don't say anything to her or my brother-in-law unless they bring it up first.
But, I don't know whether this will make you feel better, but, even if you are both healthy and fully fertile and everything is good, there's still only an 80-85% chance of being pregnant after 1 year of trying. I know that seems like a lot, but if you look at it the other way, almost 1 in 5 couples who are fine take longer than a year to conceive - you may just be one of the lucky/unlucky ones...
no subject
on 2002-11-19 03:02 pm (UTC)They are, aren't they... It should be against the law or something :P
It will happen when it's meant to. Now that you've said it, it probably will! LOL! At least the practice is fun!!!!
I sure hope so :) And yeah, the practice is fun... ;)
Thanks for the hugs and the encouragement, I really needed it.
no subject
on 2002-11-19 03:04 pm (UTC)Thanks for the hugs. I needed them :)
no subject
on 2002-11-19 03:11 pm (UTC)I knew about the 80%-85% chance (heck, I'll give a prize for anyone who finds one fertility fact that I don't know :P). But I tend to forget that, and just stick with the "I'm broken" mentality. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart for reminding me. I really appreciate it :)
no subject
on 2002-11-19 03:19 pm (UTC)Ach sweetie.
on 2002-11-19 04:16 pm (UTC)I won't give you any helpful advise. I had a girlfriend who tried for years and one day she just burst into tears after some kind hearted person proffered yet another dose of unwanted advice. She told me later that she felt that when they did that they were blaming her for not doing everything she could. Parents and Grandparents I think forget what that kind of pressure is like.
I'll send you happy baby thoughts instead. *sends*
Hang in there with the family and vent as often as you need to.
Re: Ach sweetie.
on 2002-11-19 05:26 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2002-11-19 05:28 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2002-11-19 10:36 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2002-11-20 08:04 am (UTC)